Yummy Mummies – the high price of perfection.

Apparently Manly is THE place to go for a bit of yummy mummy action!  Yes siree, these lovely ladies are obviously not phased by having to juggle a baby in one hand while applying mascara with the other. Oh, and they think nothing of dragging their cute asses out of their designer PJ’s and whizzing into Bondi Junction to pick up something cute and fashionable for their morning stroll with their peers.  Well good for them is all that I can say except that it’s not something that everyone can or should aspire to.  It’s time to see this ‘tag’ for what it really is – OBJECTIFICATION.

Now without wanting to come over all ‘burn your bra’  I have to say that rushing to squeeze into your Sass and Bide jeans and Jimmy Choo’s ASAP  AB (after baby) does seem rather ridiculous.  Don’t get me wrong, I couldn’t wait to fit into the clothes in my pre-pregnancy wardrobe and felt a tad euphoric when those jeans were do-upable before I went for my 6 week check-up (I was lucky, insanely sporty and not a rake Before Pregnancy). However, most of my excitement was due to the fact that I had grown OUT of love with my maternity elastic wastes, bland colours and dinner stained tops (you try eating soup with a 7 lb baby bump between you and the bowl)?  For me it was less about looks and more about freedom.

These days we are sooooo force-fed pictures of celebrity mummies in their size 6’s weeks AB and looking totally fab that it seems perfectly slobbish to roll up to your first new parents meeting in tracky dacks and a scrunchy!   Whatever happened to the times when new mums could show off their Magnum Opus without themselves being  judged out of ten for outfit, hair, nails and  inner sparkle?

OK, so there are two parts to this pigeon holing that I think are important – 1) how YOU feel about yourself AB and 2) how everyone else SEES you AB.  It is not compulsory to care about either by the way as some of you will have much more important things to fill your time with and for that I salute you!

So, part 1 – what you think:  For some people returning to the look and figure that they sported before baby is all part of the circle of life. It is not un-natural for a woman to regain her shape, it is just bloody difficult when you’re emotionally drained, overwhelmed and regretting indulging those mars bar cravings.  So, while the washboard abs and toned thighs may be put on ice for a bit while you adapt to your new life, getting a new haircut,  lazing in a long bath and treating yourself to a lie in or nanna nap with the baby (what?) whenever possible  can do wonders for your beauty self-esteem.  Indeed, finding some time, however small to look after yourself at this time is anything but shallow – it can give you the time and space needed to stave off exhaustion and to help you maintain a healthy relationship with yourself.  Lots of new mothers feel ‘lost’ and stripped of their identity, especially in the early days of breast-feeding when you really are a sticky, drippy milk cart.  It get’s better but you will need to ask for help and when you get help, use some of it just for you!

Part 2  – How everyone else sees you.  As far as this goes it really isn’t helpful to dwell on this, especially at a time when you may be feeling at your  most vulnerable and un-attractive.  Pages full of ‘Yummy Mummies’  are best avoided as are friends who tell you ‘you look tired’ and places like Manly where everyone is beautiful (according to the Sunday Telegraph).   But seriously, it does help to think about this whole stupid trend to ‘flesh tagging’ before being sucked in.  Labelling someone as a ‘yummy mummy’  may sound very lovely at first glance but it essentially means that you’re hot, sexy, shaggable, game, available, willing……..  Where does it stop????   Yummy = edible, delicious, lick-able?  What!!!!  I don’t know many new mummies that would want THAT hanging over their heads. It’s gross that we think it appropriate to sexualize women so soon after they have given birth – we’re not rabbits, life is not ALL about sex and anyway, most new mums would prefer a good 8 hours to 8 inches ANY day so don’t flatter yourself!  Unless the woman is some kind of performer or model her life probably doesn’t revolve around her looks so stop MAKING IT.

So as I prepare to finish up this post and roll into bed for my uninterrupted beauty sleep I think I’ll leave you with the fact that it costs around $20,000 Auzzie for a ‘mummy make-over’ which sounds rather cute and sweet but in reality has you flat on your back, marker penned out like a commoditized slab of meat, sliced, diced and pinned into barbie-doll perfection just so that you can feel human again….. There is something VERY wrong with that, very wrong indeed. Oh, and I think it may be a good time to re-visit this song from PINK, ‘stupid girl’.   A Men to that.

There’s nothing stupid about wanting to look good but there’s nothing good about wanting to look plastic.  Let your beauty evolve naturally, move with the cheese.